Why Can’t I Cry Even If I’m Sad? - GoodRx (2024)

The poet Carl Sandburg once wrote, “Life is like an onion; you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.”

Peeling onions will make you cry. Often, life will too. Strong emotions — the kinds that bring on tears — are part of what makes us human.

But some people find it hard to cry. This might only be in certain situations. Or it could be all of the time. If this sounds like you, you might wonder if it’s normal not to cry — or if you’d feel better if you did.

Here, we’ll explore reasons why it’s hard for some of us to cry. And discuss a few helpful ways to tend to your emotional health — whether you’re shedding tears or not.

Why do people cry?

Humans cry for all sorts of reasons. Many people associate crying with feeling sad. But crying can be a response to many types of strong emotions. People cry:

• As a reaction to big life events like weddings, births, and rites of passage

• Because they feel awed by music, nature, or art

• From joy and laughter

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• To express frustration or anger

• As a response to physical or emotional pain

• When they feel tired, hungry, or overwhelmed

• As an expression of empathy

• If they are children and need to express their needs to caregivers

You may think crying just means tears. But when you cry, there are other changes in your face and body as well. This includes:

• Contractions of the facial muscles

• Vocal cries

• Changes in breathing pattern and heart rate

• Skin changes like goosebumps

• A release of hormones and nerve cell messengers

These changes in your body are tied to the physical and emotional benefits of crying. These changes can be a way to release stress, improve your mood, and connect with other people.

Is crying healthy?

Many people feel better after a good cry. Crying can help give you new insights about a difficult situation. It’s also a sign to others that you need support. This can deepen connections with those around you.

The benefits of crying can be understood in two main categories:

• Self-soothing: When you cry your body releases endorphins and hormones that help to relieve stress and pain. This makes crying a self-soothing action that can lower stress and improve mood.

• Social-soothing: People often respond with compassion when someone cries. This creates an opportunity to form stronger bonds with those around you.

Dr. Lakshmi Athota, MD, a psychiatrist who specializes in integrative psychiatry, emphasizes the social-soothing effects of crying. She noted that “social connection is one of the important factors that support well-being and resilience,” highlighting the far-reaching benefits of crying and your emotional health.

But there are times when crying might have the opposite effect. If you feel shame or embarrassment, you may feel worse after crying. You may also feel worse if your tears are in response to someone else’s pain rather than your own.

Dr. Athota pointed out that sometimes crying can lead to more unsettling emotions, like panic or hysteria. In these cases, crying may not have self-soothing or social-soothing effects.

Is it normal to not be able to cry?

Crying is one form of expression. Some people who don’t cry find other ways to manage their emotions and express themselves. Among those who say they haven’t cried for many years, not everyone sees it as a problem. Many report feeling stable emotionally. But research suggests that some non-criers may find it harder to empathize and connect with others.

So, if you don’t cry or can’t cry, does that mean something is wrong? Not necessarily. You may have found different ways to express yourself or connect with others that work for you. But, if you find it hard to deal with feelings or connect with others, it might be good to think about why you feel this way. Explore potential reasons you can’t cry and your relationship with feelings in general.

Potential reasons you can’t cry, even when you want to

There may be times when you wish you could cry but find that you can’t. This might happen in situations where it doesn’t feel safe or appropriate to cry. But some people find that they rarely or never cry.

Let’s take a closer look at some reasons for this.

Emotional numbing or blunting

One reason why people can’t cry is emotional numbing. This is a common symptom of conditions like depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

For those with depression, emotional numbing can look like:

• A loss of interest in people and activities

• Becoming more distant from others

• Having fewer emotional responses

In the case of trauma, Dr. Athota explained that crying can be hard because vulnerability may feel dangerous. People who have experienced trauma often become more alert. This is a way to try to control danger from outside threats. But perceived threats can also come from within. In other words, strong emotions can feel like a threat. So, someone may subconsciously block the urge to cry because it feels unsafe.

Suppressing emotion isn’t only harmful to your emotional health. It can also be bad for your physical health. Suppressing your emotions can lead to higher levels of stress hormones. Or behaviors like stress eating, drinking alcohol, or using drugs.

Medications

Some mental health conditions lead to emotional blunting, or the inability to fully feel your feelings. This can also be a side effect of the medications used to treat those conditions.

In one study, 52% of men and 44% of women reported emotional blunting while taking antidepressant medications. But only about one in every three of those people found this to be a problem. For some, having less intense emotions might feel better than severe depression or anxiety.

It’s not always easy to tell whether emotional blunting is a symptom of a mental health condition, or a side effect of the medication treating it. People respond differently to different types and doses of medications. If you’re taking antidepressant medication and emotional blunting bothers you, talking to your healthcare professional is a good first step. There are often alternative treatment options that you can talk about together.

Personality

Crying isn’t always comfortable, especially around others or in certain situations. For some personalities, being vulnerable is more challenging.

There are many factors that influence personality. Some aspects are genetic. But our life experiences and relationships form us too.

Family dynamics and upbringing play a big role in how you express emotions. If crying wasn’t common in your household, it might be harder for you. Or, if you were told not to cry — or made to feel embarrassed or weak if you did — these emotions may be harder to express.

And you may feel pressure — from yourself or others — to be seen in a certain way. In one study, people who cried were seen as warmer, friendlier, and more approachable. But they were also seen as less competent. If maintaining a certain image is important to you, it might be harder to let yourself cry in front of others.

Gender and culture

In general, women cry more often than men. Part of it may be biology. Testosterone, the male sex hormone, seems to inhibit crying. And prolactin, a hormone that helps us feel connected to others, is higher in females.

But family and community messages are also important. And these messages can lead to challenges for your emotional health. “Stigma around the expression of tears, particularly for men, can lead to isolation and disconnection,” said Dr. Athota. This stigma may make people less comfortable seeking help for mental health problems. And that can lead to the expression of strong emotions through anger outbursts instead.

Society and culture also play a role in attitudes about crying for both men and women. In some countries and cultures, crying isn’t well accepted.

People may identify with multiple groups and communities — each with its own messages and expectations about expressing emotions. Dr. Athota noted that the stigma about crying can be tied to:

• Race

• Ethnicity

• Sexuality

• Sexual identity

Can you learn how to make yourself cry?

If you find it hard to cry, it may be helpful to reflect on possible reasons why. Consider whether being able to cry might help you express yourself, deepen your relationships, or both.

If your feelings tend to come out in ways that aren’t helpful to you or the people around you, it could be time to explore different strategies. “We can learn how to support ourselves in times of emotional intensity,” said Dr. Athota, “and respond in ways that align with our highest values.”

Here are some strategies that may help you to access your emotions in a healthy way.

Create time and space

It might feel awkward at first, but setting aside time to get in touch with your feelings can be helpful. Life can get busy and overwhelming. Practice identifying and feeling your emotions. Schedule time for yourself in a safe space to do this.

Reach out

Try reaching out to a family member, friend, or a mentor that you trust. Share parts of yourself that they might not see or hear about. It might take time. Being vulnerable, even with someone you love, takes practice.

Try therapy

Speaking with a professional can improve your health and relationships. Therapists may use one form of therapy or a combination of approaches. Different types of therapy can help people better access their emotions. Look into local and online resources to get started.

Writing and journaling

Writing about trauma or intense emotions can improve your physical and emotional health. It doesn’t have to be long. But committing to a short time every day, especially in the beginning, can be helpful. Don’t worry about grammar or whether it makes any sense. The act of writing and getting thoughts and feelings on paper has been shown to help.

Art and nature

To get at emotions, sometimes it helps to bypass the thinking (and overthinking) part of your brain. Try:

• Listening to music

• Appreciating art

• Engaging with literature and film

• Spending time in nature, which also improves physical and mental health

And don’t forget about the importance of joy and laughter. Science is beginning to understand how they might really be the best medicine.

Mindfulness and meditation

Dr. Athota also recommended mindfulness practices. These can help decrease stress hormones, improve mood, and strengthen relationships. Try:

• Breath exercises (like box breathing, diaphragmatic breathing, or 4-7-8 breathing)

• Supportive touch

• Gratitude and kindness practices

• Yoga, tai chi, or qi gong

• Exercise

• Mindfulness and meditation

• Self-compassion practices

Dr. Athota explained that when you repeat these practices — whether you’re feeling stressed or not — it strengthens your resilience over time. And it improves your overall well-being and ability to manage the stressful and overwhelming situations that everyone is bound to encounter in their lives, added Dr. Athota.